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Sunday, 15 June 2008

  • Of Crystal Balls and Outstretched Arms

    in moments of prescribed reflective reverie, i too often find that in my inward-looking meditations, i can conjure only less-than-optimistic sentiments and trains of thoughts.
    it disturbs me greatly and admittedly affects me more than i am comfortable with.

    but, i do suppose confronting these demons residing in your subconscious periodically can only be a good thing.

    self-driven ambition bordering on misguided fantasy, or an escapist solution. we're all talk and walk, always gazing through crystal balls at things that could be, that's that should be. things that we desire deepest, but never quite can reach for. is it really so far out of our grasp, like a child reaches for diamonds in the night-time canopy?
    the answer perhaps we know lies within, behind walls of disillusion and shields of denial and aspirations planted long ago. this singular reality certainly will make amends these rended efforts and hopes, or crush it completely into the ground.

    but then again, is the answer inside really that meaningful? to take it so out of context that it becomes a game of 'heads or tails' - so unfeeling that there is nothing but either side of the blade.

    but the journey is what makes the ending what it is. so judge not the outcome or possibilities or prospects aglow or deluded until the time is right for it. as all things, what will be, will be, que sera sera.

    perhaps, now it is time for our journey to begin. a dash into the shadows of the reality of circumstance, a self-same proclamation of identity, of fire. to a disbelieving world and audience, to a dismantled ego and a broken will.

    ever and anon, birds of the sky fall to their death,
    but if they succeed on the way down,
    instead they kindle the winds of the heavens beneath their outstretched faith and arms,
    and take to the skies in a glorious flurry of pleasure and ecstasy.



Thursday, 01 May 2008

  • only truly dark moments of the mind can stir me to return to this place, it seems.
    a little enclave for which nameless, seamless train of thoughts can find fleeting life in the form of cute pixels, another pebble in the information highway, trodden underfoot and soon forgotten, save for those who know where to find it; or want to.

    thinking too much seems to only bring mild distress to me and loosens the soil beneath my feet just enough that i feel it; and need to find something to hold on to.

    .. or maybe it's just cause i'm such a pessimist on the inside, yet it feels like i try to be quite the opposite on the exterior - i confuse myself at times too. things like this are what make you forget to count your blessings, surely.
    what decadant structures of thought, that serve only to drive you further into the cave of your subconscious.

    ________________

    can you show me how it ends?
    show me what's beyond the dark eve
    show me everything that could be
    everything that can be.

    what this existence holds in store,
    masked under the shade of time;
    erased under this sand we tread on.

    take my hand, walk with me through this.
    even to the point of breaking, hold me.
    so that this cold at the fringe of darkness will not win.
    even if this were only a dream, let me then have eternal sleep.

Friday, 14 December 2007

  • Confession to the empty sky

    sometimes, life just gets so. tiresome. things get so mundane. days get so cold. and lonely.

    but these are only afflictions of the mind. the mental tide of emotions and notions are far more treacherous than that of the physical world, even if they are related. but, they aren't always related. maybe they are nothing more than different realities, enduring side-by-side.

    but when the mind is cold and lonely. no amount of physical stimulant will resolve it. it can serve to distract it, but it can never be ultimately solved. the darkness can be hidden away, but not destroyed. it's always there, hiding in a little closet at the back of your heart and mind. and when you're alone again, it will come out, stronger than before.

    contrastingly, when the physical reality upsets you. these conflicts are easily overcome by the intervention of the mind.
    of course, the simplest way is to just wear a mask to hide the darkness inside. that darkness so complex and deep-reaching. how long before the mask cracks? the longer the darkness spends with and in itself, the stronger it gets when it attacks again.

    you need to find a way to fight it and destroy it.
    but i believe that no amount of victory over the inner reality will be forever. it will always come back, it picks only the times when you don't notice or least expect; it picks times when you are at your weakest.

    in the physical reality, you are never alone. in the mental realm, you are the only person there. no one can hear you, no one can reach you.
    you have to fight it.

    fight.

Thursday, 13 December 2007

  • hello people. i'm glad to see some of you still actually look in this tiny crevice of the internet for my pointless rants on my very plain life.

    so anyway, i recently got back from my trip to japan with my family. i must say, it has been a very intriguing and interesting trip for me in a few ways.

    basically i visited tokyo, osaka and kyoto.

    tokyo's main attraction is it's ability to combine bustling modern city life with the traditional age-old values and ways of it's people. the people in japan are immensely polite, in contrast to people back here. and also, they take pride in anything they do. every single eatery i ate at, no matter how random or tucked-away, had good food. also in contrast to singapore, where half assedness is not uncommon.
    the people there move very fast, like any metropolitan modern age city i guess.

    osaka was a little more laid back. like a shadow of tokyo. it is also a major city of japan, but the people are a lot more countryside. and tonnes of them ride bicycles. this is due to the local governing body being serious about going green, unlike a certain governing body more close to home that seems only to enjoy collecting COE, instead of doing anything about going green other than making speeches.
    osaka's also famous for takoyaki, octopus balls. and i must say, in comparison to singapore's takopachi, oh wait. there is none at all. =p

    kyoto is a city with two sides to it. the main shopping street seems to be a scene out of .. not shinjuku or shibuya, but perhaps, ameyoko market back in tokyo. but just across the river, lies a side of town that has been left untouched and unchanged for centuries. the house are still the same ones you see in traditional japanese woodblock screens. how very interesting indeed. a sense that time has taking a nap in this part of town invariably embraces when you enter this part of the city. also situated right in the middle of the city's more modern residential areas, is the kyoto castle. yet another fragment of time that has been frozen, it is quite a scenic place. 600 yen per adult to enter, and you can just walk and walk and wander through it's endless meandering gardens. how very charming indeed. in contrast, tokyo's imperial palace would seem rather sterile and commercialised.

    the main highlights of tokyo are probably the shopping and food.
    GINZA is for upscale shopping out of my league.
    SHINJUKU is like orchard road on some serious steroids. it's southern terrace is a lovely new addition.
    SHIBUYA is the youth capital of tokyo. and many interesting places to shop can be found. if you are a girl, there is 8374019823098 times more things to look at and buy than if you were a guy. there is a building, SHIBUYA 109, that has 9 floors (or more.) dedicated solely to female apparel of every possible sort available to japanese imagination. rather startling since i wandered into the building and checked the floor directory. oh well.
    HARAJUKU, just north of shibuya, and very walkable from said shibuya, is a very interesting place. the street of takeshita-dori is filled with every teenage individual in tokyo on the weekends. here you will find endless (almost) shops filled with the unique trends of the modern tokyo youth. such as the costume play, cosplay for short, fashion craze. i have to admit, some of them look really good dressed up as anime characters. but others, well, it is a fashion trend to be reckoned with either way.
    ROPPONGI, is the nightlife capital of tokyo. I was with my family and hence had not the opportunity to fully explore the main attractions of roppongi's nightlife. a pity. the food in the area, however, is really good. sushi bars, grill places, cake and coffee cafes, ramen joints. all of them were impressive in their culinary offerings. after 5pm, here you will see the local nightlife crew make their appearance. any number of guys decked out in their hip-hop best (hip-hop and r&b is a big thing in tokyo's music scene these days.), and many more Ayumi and Namie lookalikes.
    on a passing note, AMEYOKO MARKET in UENO is a great place to go shopping, mainland China-style. but in contrast, nothing you find in japan is an imitation, that i guarantee you. as i mentioned before, the japanese take an absolute pride in what they do. they will not offer you second rated goods or services.
    ASAKUSA is another place in japan where time has ceased to flow forward. like the streets of eastern kyoto, this place still retains an air of antiquity and a part of the old japan that forms the proud history of the country, even up til this day.
    TSUKIJI FISH MARKET was a great eye-opener for me. i can say that this is a must-see for most travellers to tokyo. unless you decide a fish market isn't classy enough for your pompous ass. in which case, you can shut up and stay in ginza. everything i can remember about tsukiji fish market is interesting: from the stores in the outer market selling ramen, tools of the industry, fresh produce and groceries, tamago omelettes and even a coffee shop. to the fish auctions of the inner market, the hardworking and personable crew of the market, the skill and precision of those handling the fish and the sheer enthusiasm and passion present in the work they carry out.
    AKIHABARA is like the funan and simlim of tokyo. once again, on some serious steroids. this is any electronics hobbyist's paradise. within the tightly cramped rows and rows of stores can one find every imaginable circuit component of electronics and a wide plethora of electronic and electrical gadgets and appliances. from neon lights, to circuit voltage regulators, to 3pdt footswitches, to LCD screens and audiophile tube amplifiers. all of this and a much wider universe of electronics is accessible to one at akihabara electric city. my dad went crazy.
    OCHANOMIZU is the akihabara of music. composed of a couple of streets and small compared to most other shopping districts, ochanomizu gives one a cozy feel; as if you were in musician's town, where everyone could relate to you and knows you personally. needless to say, as a musician, my knees went kinda weak when i entered this area. although miraculously, i managed to settle for just a bag of guitar picks as booty. guitarist rant (sorry): they carry mesa/boogies, bogners, orange amps, VHT's, bad cats and every imaginable guitar and pedal make. i went dizzy looking through the wide array of gear.
    YOYOGI PARK is rather mundane and dull most of the week. enter the weekend: this place springs immediately to life. on saturdays and particularly on sundays, this park is flooded with people, mostly youths and middle aged men. (the presence of the latter i will elaborate on in just a moment.) Eager promising bands line the lanes of the park and perform their original material, a bit like an open, free concert. certainly a great opportunity for them to establish for themselves a fanbase. much in contrast to singapore's strict regulations even on busking in public. these guys use 100 watt guitar amps! there is also an interesting flea market there every weekend, where scores of japanese youth attempt to resell their used goods. if you are a collector of sorts, you may find some treasure here if you look hard enough. further down the lanes you come upon a slightly quieter (or not) part of the park, where there are less bands and more individual artists. of most interest to me, was a band that just lip-sync'd and pretended to play along with a backing track. they had no instruments and were just 6 goofy idiots. very entertaining. among others, there were the generic two-man acoustic duos consisting of 2 good looking guys and moderately emotional songs. these acts always had a following of young japanese ladies sitting on the floor around them, clapping enthusiastically and laughing at every comment they made, which i assumed to be very humorous. and also, the all-too-generic solo female guitar player/composer/singer. there were plenty of these, and these acts would, naturally, be swamped by middle aged japanese men, probably appreciating the beauty of youth and music joined as one. just as the female teenagers have. in particular, this one girl, candy, was attracting a very large crowd of enthusiastic men. i chuckled and walked past this one. aside from the good, there is of course the not-so-good, including a bunch of high school kids being all hip-hop and badass. a krew of 5 - 2 standing around and smoking, another 2 beatboxing provisionally, while the seeming star of the show donned a 'scream' mask and messed around with a basketball doing the same tricks over and over again. this amused me for a while, until i caught sight of the most attractive individual i stumbled upon during the entire course of this trip genuinely appreciating this group. i thought to myself 'whatever works'. strange.

    however, to fully appreciate a trip to japan, i think you would need
    1. a provisional, basic knowledge of conversational japanese
    2. a subway map

    those 2 are important anywhere you go, since the subway allows every part of tokyo and osaka to be so extremely accessible.

    all in all, it was a great trip for me.

    pictures soon. maybe, maybe not.

    i do realise this sounds like an episode out of national geographic or discovery channel. or better yet, japan hour. haha.

Friday, 16 November 2007

  • so i woke up this morning. and realised i didn't have anything i NEEDED to do.

    i decided to start with clearing up my room and packing away all my school stuff. and as i was doing this, i felt pangs of regret and slight sadness.
    sigh. i think i actually am kinda sad that it's finally over. these people i've seen for.. some 2 years, most 6 years, many 12 years.. and one joker, 15 years. some i may never see again, a whole family out of a family, having to go separate ways.
    oh well, i packed my school books and i just recalled all these memories of school. mostly bumming around, which i what i did for most of my iB life anyhows. but it was fun, nevertheless. and now my room is fairly devoid of such cirricular material.

    only then, i think, does it truly hit you that your school life in ACS(I) is over.

    on the other hand, now that it's all over, you have all the time in the world to do whatever you want.
    and i have many plans for constructive projects. haha. hopefully that will all come into being soon.



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